The Perfect Girl?

In a book I like by Ann Patchett, called bel canto, the character Roxane says, "People love each other for all sorts of different reasons...most of the time we're loved for what we can do rather than for who we are. It's not such a bad thing, being loved for what you can do."

"But the other is better," Gen said.

"Better. I hate to say better, but it is. If someone loves you for what you can do then it's flattering, but why do you love them? If someone loves you for who you are then they have to know you, which means you have to know them."

I happened to read that about the time I read online that Bill is searching for love, but not finding it yet...and it struck a chord.

We all love Bill...me and the 8 million 13-22 year olds that make the majority of his fans. But is he loved for what he does? Because he can sing achingly beautiful songs that pull at our hearts, even those hearts old enough to know better? Or because he can rock a stadium with just his presence on stage with a megaphone...never mind that he and the band kick ass as far as the music goes? Or because there is no other guy that can wear eyeliner quite so devestatingly (and better than us) and still make us weak at the knees (except Johnny Depp in POTC)?

We love Bill for what he does. But I think in this age of MySpace, Youtube, Tokio Hotel TV and instant media, we also think we really love Bill (and Tom, and Georg, and Gustav) because we think we know them. I use "we" collectively, because I fall into the same trap as everyone else sometimes. (What a lovely, sweet trap to fall into though) I see 4 minutes of Caught on Camera and therefore become an instant authority on Bill Kaulitz, et al.

We strive so hard to find some little thing that makes him "ours" and we have such a wealth of images and words now to drown in....it's no wonder he's getting marriage proposals in fan mail.

But where does that leave Bill? With 20,000 screaming girls at a venue, all professing love eternal from the front row, how's he ever supposed to find a girl in a normal way? How would he ever be able to trust that what he says in private stays private? Do you make up things to tell her and then watch to see if they end up printed in Bild or some other tabloid?

Because I am a hopeless romantic at heart....I do believe that love will find him, as it does most of us, in a totally unexpected place, and in a totally unexpected way, with a totally unexpected person. Either right under his beautiful nose, where it's been all along, or in the last place he would ever think it would present itself. But for all that to happen he needs to keep that heart of his equal parts open, but protected. A fine balance between letting in and holding back. Earning and building trust....on both sides.

For my insignificant part in all this (being a fan amongst millions is kind of like being a star in the universe...kind of lost in with all the rest) my sincerest and heartfelt wish that he finds true love.

The Curse of Being a Perfectionist...

Three quarters of the members of Tokio Hotel are Virgos...the sign of the zodiac known for their perfectionistic ways. Bill says he wants everything perfect...stressing out over the details and not wanting to make mistakes.

Not wanting to make mistakes...it holds me back (I'm also a Virgo, a perfectionist person, hardest on myself than anyone else would ever be). Holds me back from doing new things, for fear of failure, and of success. Not just the regular "I might fail"... but that I might actually succeed, but not be perfect. I might make a mistake. If it's not going to be perfect, I might as well never start.

But I forget in all this, that I might also be great. Or...just good enough. Or...I might fail. But if I don't try for fear of succeeding, then I've fulfilled my little prophecy...I have failed.

I watch Bill and Tokio Hotel and realize they can be great...they are great...and they make mistakes...and possibly Bill beats himself up afterward for the mistakes (there's some footage in the Zimmer 483 documentary that he was "really bad" after one performance. I also notice he was saying this with no make-up on, just his beautiful face...hmm...gotta think on that.)

But they follow their passion and work at what they do. And don't give up. So, if this group of boys can make succeed and do what they love...why can't I?

What a rush....

I was just watching the concert footage on Youtube from the Zimmer 483 tour...what an amazing feeling it must be to stand on stage in front of a huge crowd of screaming teenage girls, and have them sing your song back to you...I love watching the looks on the faces of the band, as the whole crowd sings back to them. What must it feel like to have that kind of support from fans? I get goosebumps ever time I watch that video.

I want to go to a concert...and be in the middle of all that energy...all though I'm not sure what being in a crowd of thousands of screaming teenage girls is going to do to my hearing...at my age :)

We'll see...

Lovely Brand New Blog....

Like a blank piece of paper....and my mind goes completely blank. I've been writing entries in my head for over a week, just waiting to do this...

Well, I guess I could start with the name of the blog. Obviously I'm a fan, and most of my musings over the past days (months) have been about Tokio Hotel and what I'd write. What I'm listening to, what I'm reading about, thinking about a website I'd like to start. Thinking I'd like this to be more...more what?...I don't know.

I'd like to write about how Tokio Hotel has made a difference in my life, without sounding trite or pathetic or just plain weird.

We'll see...