Phantomrider/Geisterfahrer

This has got to be my new favorite song...the German version. I like the English and I've listened to it enough to know it by heart, but I found the German version to listen to online at work.

Whomever the girl is singing, she has the most amazing pure sound to her voice. I did a quick search and apparently she's uncredited, which is fine. I really don't need to know her name to love the combination of Bill's voice and hers.

I literally stopped working the first time I heard it...

Something I rarely do...

Is tell someone what to do...I have lots of opinions and am more than willing to share them, but rarely feel the need to out and out tell someone they need to make changes.

And I really dislike capitalizing on what I feel is some media sensationalism and bad press as well...that's not my motive.

Bill looks too thin and I think he needs to gain a little weight. I have an old...old...photo for a screen saver and compared that to the most recent pics from the movie premiere. I know he's tall and keeps growing; I know he's always been thin; I know he eats at some point... but I think he's too thin.

Possibly an irrational fear, possibly just another phase of being an obsessed fan, but I worry...which I do really well...and know the rigors of tour life can be taxing. And health, along with family, are something that cannot always be replaced, but are sometimes taken for granted, especially by the young. We are not immortal; the music may be, but the human body is not.

So I worry, and feel the need to say this. Cathartic for me to put it out into the big vast internet...to fall on whomever ears it lands.

And I say this too because I want to be listening to Tokio Hotel with Bill singing for a very, very long time....I want to watch them grow and change and evolve and keep making music. And if you're not healthy, you can't do that.

Lazy Girl....

Sometimes I get so lazy and unfocused and it drives me nuts. There is so much I want to do, to accomplish, but I get stuck doing mindless, stupid, time-wasting things.

Or, I have the ambition, but I'm in the wrong place (example: I'm at work, writing a blog post. Supposed to be "working" not writing in the blog. But then I dream about work. Ugh...)

Need a swift kick in the backside, or a long to-do list, or some poking and prodding from somewhere...self-motivation seems to be lacking these days.

But at least I have good music to listen to :) There's always that...a bright side to any day.

Oh, found the German version of Phamtomrider online...that will probably get an entire love-fest post of its own. Amazing...

Anniversary

Sometime this month is the year anniversary of first discovering Tokio Hotel...or rather finding a picture of Bill and wondering who the heck that was, what did he look like without the make-up and big hair (which I discovered was just as nice as he looks with) and why did they spell Tokio that way. So I found their site, listened to Scream and Monsoon and fell in love with the music. And then started listening to the music...and went through some profound changes because of it.

It's been a year...can I say that one band, four guys (no longer boys) from Germany who play something labeled alternately "glam rock" (hate that term), "alternative rock" (okay) or "emo" (not accurate either, imo) is the reason I'm not who I was a year ago? Quite possibly yes.

I've made changes based on observations of what was and wasn't authentic, positive and fulfilling in my life. I've become more outspoken, more self-sufficient and generally more positive. Can I say happier? Yes, I think I can.

All because of music? Hell yes. Music has a huge impact on the human brain. Music can be used for all kinds of therapy. I've learned to use Tokio Hotel to take my mind off of my chronic pain; migraines or arthritis, both of which have decreased over the past year. Months have gone by without an arthritis flare and the ones I have had were relatively short lived. Migraines are better controlled with less addictive drugs. No more House in this house.

I write now...I write reviews of Tokio Hotel music, for the pure pleasure of writing about them and having other fans read and enjoy what I've written. I've earned money writing on various sites; articles and fiction and have more in the works. I have a budding new business in the works as well...I am self-sufficient and I can take care of myself. I still have a brick and mortar business to go to, but I've learned to enjoy myself there, even working for someone else. I am a more authentic version of me and even though I'm stuck in a building, in a cubicle, at a desk, I am making that job my own.

On the fun side: a new (first) tattoo, hair color and soon to be new ear piercing.

I am a better version of myself; still me, but a better me, the me I'm supposed to be. Not an automatic version; I'm trying to live each moment, even if it's one of the more mundane moments. That doesn't mean I don't have doubts and sadness and bleak moments. I do...but they are in perspective, I can handle them. I'm not perfect, and not expecting to be. But I'm learning to be the me I have the potential to be.

All because of a chance photo of some kid from Germany with big hair and eyeliner. How cool is that?