A Diary Full of Trash...An Entry Full of Pain...

Well, that's a dramatic title for a post... geez....makes me roll my eyes just to read it.

I should know that some lyric of some Tokio Hotel song, listened to in English, will hit a nerve...it was By Your Side today. It usually makes me misty anyway, but today was worse. I should know better and listen to it in German, so I don't always know what the words are (or I can pretend I don't know).

Whiny self pity to follow...everything in my body hurts so much at this moment, I don't know where the pain ends and I begin. My teeth even hurt. I'd write help in my own blood, but my fingers hurt too much...typing at this point is almost agony.

I would never wish chronic pain on anyone, even my worst enemy. There is nothing worse than a body trying to destroy itself with it's own immune system...this would be rheumatoid arthritis. The closest description of the pain I've ever come up with is imagining ground glass in all your joints. Every movement is painful. Why now it's decided to flare up is anyone's guess, although I'd suspect the change in weather has something to do with it. It's snowing...which it has done all winter, but in the Northern Hemisphere it's turning to spring soon, so the weather changes are more dramatic. I would suspect I have several months of this crap before summer comes and things become more stable.

I want to see Tokio Hotel when they come to the States...and I want to see it as a healthy, pain free person, so that I can jump around with all the teeny girls, so I can stay up all night driving to or from the venue...so that I can enjoy, drug free, seeing a group I truly enjoy listening to, along with being able to elbow my way to the front for a really good look at Bill :)

So...my life needed some attention and changes, and the sound track for those changes has been Tokio Hotel. It's always playing, even in my head when I'm at work, where no music is allowed. That place is like a library...some day I think I'll just blast Scream at full volume till someone tells me I'm fired! :)

And I go to sleep dreaming under the sweet blanket of German words sung by someone who will never know what an impact he has had on my life...he and his twin and their two friends. And I sound like such a melodramatic person writing this, but what the hell...it's my blog and I'll be a drama queen in it if I want to.